They say if you enjoy your job you never work a day in your life. When the language of engineering is so prone to wordplay it’s easy to keep yourself amused if you have a boyish sense of humour. Here are some of my favourite terms that even after all this time still have me giggling.
Suction Head
The centrifugal pump is spinning in fresh air, there’s no suction head
Shaft
This shaft is way oversized, it’ll never fit in that hole. We could try lubricating it first.
Orifice
The orifice is all blocked. There’ nought coming out. Pass us the screwdriver or a cereal that’s bran heavy.
Lubrication
This bearing is automatically lubricated. She’s good to go.
Flange
Stop messing about and let’s mount the flange.
Female mating connector
I’ve got the female part, wheres the male connector gone?
Bastard file
Pass me that bastard file. This thing is rougher than a badger’s arse
Discharge Head
That’s barely a trickle coming out of there, there’ s no discharge head.
Gusset
Make sure that gusset is clean before mounting.
Hardened shaft
This bad boy is a Molybdenum case hardened. That’s a hard shaft right there!
Erection
Quick let’s get this erected and then let’s get out of here!
Nuts
These nuts are ceased, they haven’t been used in a while
Suck, squeeze, bang, blow
Generally the order of engines is suck, squeeze, bang, blow.
Jack screw
Turn that jack screw and let’s get this baby up in the air
Strippers
Have you seen any strippers about? They forgot to terminate these wires
Crack growth
I swear that crack is getting bigger. Let me mark it.
Tip
That endoscope tip is oily. Pull it out and let me spit on it.
Penetration
That bolt hasn’t gone in far enough. You need a longer one to achieve more penetration
If you enjoyed that you might like this book about wind turbine technicians going to the toilet.
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